Top 15 Signs You've Caught the Chicken Flu
- Suicidal urge to climb into a hot tub full of boiling
teriyaki sauce or a big plastic bag of Shake 'n' Bake.
- Suddenly, you're deliriously happy to work for chicken
feed.
- That annoying rooster on the neighbor's farm now seems,
well, kinda sexy.
- Receptionist buzzes you with "Five cleaver-wielding
Chinese officials to see you, sir."
- You find yourself coughing up Lung McNuggets.
- Your new marketing plan wasn't the only thing that laid
an egg at the staff meeting.
- Sudden irrational fear of hot sauce and blue cheese
dressing.
- Showing your pecker in public no longer results in an
embarrassing arrest.
- Only medicines that help at all are Kaopecktate and
NyQuill.
- You lose your job at the drive-thru when you start asking
customers, "Would you like some gravel with
that?"
- You have the strange urge to smother your breasts with
spaghetti sauce & parmesan cheese.
- You just served your kids regurgitated cornmeal for
dinner again.
- You feel a darkening in the force, as though a million
little chicken souls were suddenly snuffed out.
- Mom makes you a nice hot bowl of human soup.
- Fever - check; chills - check; uncontrollable urge to
defecate on the windshield of your neighbor's Ford Escort
- check.