Comparison of Philosophical Theories in the Late 20th Century
  1. Capitalism - He who dies with the most toys, wins.
  2. Hari Krishna - He who plays with the most toys, wins.
  3. Catholicism - He who denies himself the most toys, wins.
  4. Anglican - They were our toys first.
  5. Greek Orthodox - No, they were OURS first.
  6. Atheism - There is no toy maker.
  7. Polytheism - There are many toy makers.
  8. Evolutionism - The toys made themselves.
  9. Church of Christ Scientist - We are the toys.
  10. Communism - Everyone gets the same number of toys, and you are in big trouble if we catch you selling yours.
  11. B'Hai - All toys are just fine with us.
  12. Amish - Toys with batteries are surely a sin.
  13. Taoism - The doll is as important as the dumptruck.
  14. Mormonism - Every boy can have as many toys as he wants.
  15. Voodoo - Let me borrow that doll for a second.
  16. Hinduism - He who plays with bags of plastic farm animals, loses.
  17. 7th Day Adventist - He who plays with his toys on Saturday, loses.
  18. Southern Baptist - If your toy is a Disney product, you have a one-way ticket to Hell.
  19. Jehovah's Witnesses - He who sells the most toys door-to-door, wins.
  20. Pentecostalism - He whose toys can talk, wins.
  21. Existentialism - Toys are a figment of your imagination.
  22. Confucianism - Once a toy is dipped in the water, it is no longer dry.
  23. Non-denominationalism - We don't care where the toys came from, let's just play with them.
  24. Agnosticism - It is not possible to know whether toys make a bit of difference.
  25. Unitarian Universalism - We still haven't decided if the toys exist.