Botched Newspaper Headlines
ACTUAL NEWSPAPER HEADLINES
- Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
- Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing
- Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
- House passes gas tax onto senate
- Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan
- Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
- William Kelly was fed secretary
- Milk drinkers are turning to powder
- Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted
- Quarter of a million Chinese live on water
- Farmer bill dies in house
- Iraqi head seeks arms
SOME BECOME UNINTENTIONALLY SUGGESTIVE
- Queen Mary having bottom scraped
- Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?
- Prostitutes appeal to Pope
- Panda mating fails - veterinarian takes over
- NJ judge to rule on nude beach
- Child's stool great for use in garden
- Dr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editors
- Soviet virgin lands short of goal again
- Organ festival ends in smashing climax
GRAMMAR OFTEN BOTCHES OTHER HEADLINES
- Eye drops off shelf
- Squad helps dog bite victim
- Dealers will hear car talk at noon
- Enraged cow injures farmer with ax
- Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests
- Miners refuse to work after death
- Two Soviet ships collide - one dies
- Two sisters reunite after eighteen years at checkout counter
A BOTCHED HEADLINE TAKES ON A MEANING OPPOSITE FROM THE ONE INTENDED
- Never withhold herpes from loved one
- Nicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacy
- Drunk drivers paid 1,000 in 1984
- Autos killing 110 a day, let's resolve to do better
SOMETIMES NEWSPAPER EDITORS STATE THE OBVIOUS
- If strike isn't settled quickly it may last a while
- War dims hope for peace
- Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency
- Cold wave linked to temperatures
- Child's death ruins couple's holiday
- Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years
- Man is fatally slain
- Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say
- Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation