Doggie Pledge
  1. I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
  2. I will not burn rubber through the open car window and into the fast food restaurant, no matter how good it smells.
  3. The computer's mouse is, unlike a real mouse, inedible.
  4. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.
  5. I will not throw up in the car.
  6. I will scootch my bottom along the grass to rid myself of hangers-on.
  7. I will not steal used sanitary napkins from the bathroom garbage.
  8. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
  9. I will not eat other animals' poop.
  10. I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.
  11. I will not roll my head around in other animals' poop. "Kitty box crunchies" are not food.
  12. I will not eat any more socks and then re-deposit them in the backyard after processing.
  13. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
  14. I will not eat the disposable diapers, especially the dirty ones.
  15. I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.
  16. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
  17. I will not chew crayons or pens, 'specially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
  18. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
  19. I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is sitting on the toilet.
  20. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
  21. I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.
  22. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
  23. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
  24. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.
  25. I will not play tug-o'-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
  26. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
  27. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
  28. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
  29. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE I come into the house.