Cynics Guide to Life
- The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
- A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up.
- Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down.
- Just remember...You gotta break some eggs to make a real mess on the neighbor's car!
- It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.
- This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.
- When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
- Love is like a roller coaster: when it's good you don't want to get off, and when it isn't...you can't wait to throw up.