Sarcastic Remarks to Get You Through the Day
  1. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
  2. Do I look like a friggin' people person?
  3. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
  4. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
  5. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
  6. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
  7. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
  8. You!... Off my planet!
  9. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoeson my dogs/cats.
  10. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
  11. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
  12. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
  13. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
  14. A PBS mind in an MTV world.
  15. Allow me to introduce my selves.
  16. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
  17. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
  18. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
  19. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
  20. Are these your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
  21. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
  22. I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?
  23. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
  24. Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?
  25. It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size.
  26. A woman's favorite position is CEO.
  27. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
  28. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
  29. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
  30. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
  31. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
  32. Okay, okay, I take it back! UnScrew you!
  33. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
  34. Macho/Feminist Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.
  35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
  36. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
  37. I plead contemporary insanity.
  38. And which dwarf are you?
  39. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
  40. Meandering to a different drummer.
  41. I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?