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PDB Obituary

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It is with the saddest heart that I pass on the following. Please join me in remembering a great icon.

The Pillsbury Dough boy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was only 71. Dough boy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies and Captain Crunch.

The grave site was piled high with flours, as long-time friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Dough boy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Dough boy rose quickly in show business but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he even still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions. Toward the end it was thought that he would rise again, but alas, he was no tart.

Dough boy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about twenty minutes.