What Constitutes an Asshole
- If you submit your homepage to any one search engine more than once...you are an asshole!
- If you submit your homepage as NUDEnakedNUDEnakedNUDE or anything even remotely similar....you are an asshole!
- If you take up two parking spaces for one car...you are an asshole! (unless you have to get your wheelchair out of your car)
- If you park in a handicapped space and you are not handicapped...you are an asshole! click here for example
- If you suddenly stop in the middle of a busy aisle/intersection/hallway and just stand there...you are an asshole!
- If you complain about the government, yet don't vote...you are an asshole!
- If you believe everything your government tells you...you are an asshole!
- If you believe Oliver Stone and spout out his theories everywhere you go...you are an asshole!
- If you make decisions when you don't know shit about a subject...you are an asshole!
- If you think Nancy Reagan is a goddess and we should all just un-thinkingly say "no" to any question made to us...you are an asshole!
- If you would like to regulate the internet...you are an asshole!
- If you refuse to wait your turn and instead cut into line at every opportunity...you are an asshole!
- If you are a racist...you are an asshole!
- If you laugh at every single "Far Side" comic...you are an asshole! (some of them you will undoubtedly not understand and there are some that are just not funny)
- If you advocate censorship...you are an asshole!
- If you fart noisily and then laugh while pointing at your buddies...you are an asshole!
- If you ask stupid questions and then get pissed off when returned with stupid answers...you are an asshole!
- If you brag about how good your girlfriend is in bed and then get mad when your friends take her for a test spin...you are an asshole!
- If you are found laughing and when questioned why you are laughing you respond with some stupid answer like "private joke"...you are an asshole!
- If you get good service in a restaurant and yet don't tip...you are an asshole!
- If you watch 28 hours of television a week and then say that you don't read because you don't have time...you are an asshole!
- If you pick your nose and then flick your boogers at other cars while stopped at a stop light...you are an asshole!
- If you piss into the vats of beer at the brewery...you are an asshole!
- If you use all the toilet paper but don't replace it...you are an asshole!
- If you have fog lights on your car and leave them on whether there is fog or not...you are an asshole!
- If you park in the middle of a two way street to talk with one of your buddies in the opposite lane, and therefore block traffic...you are an asshole!
- If you don't support your local sports teams until they start to win lots of games...you are an asshole!
- If you drive drunk...you are an asshole!
- If you think you are better than everyone else 'cause you've got more money than them...you are an asshole!
- If you smoke in a non-smoking section...you are an asshole!
- If you commit a crime, get caught and sent to prison, but think it is unfair...you are an asshole!
- If you think welfare is an occupation...you are an asshole!
- If you take more than 10 items into the "10 items or less" express lane at the supermarket...you are an asshole!
- If you don't shower and stink and smell like shit...you are an asshole!
- If you complain about your weight problem and still eat at McDonalds...you are an asshole!
- If you go to the crapper for over an hour and don't use an air freshener...you are an asshole!
- If you send chain letters of any kind...you are an asshole!
- If you drive in the centre of the lane at 20km's below the speed limit...you are an asshole!
- If you channel surf while others are trying to watch tv...you are an asshole!
- If you complain about the price of gas, yet drive a car that gets eight miles per gallon...you are an asshole!
- If you drive around the city limits with your bright lights on all the time because "you be cool"...you are an asshole!
- If you drive without buckling up your kids...you are an asshole!
- If you visit someone's home and leave hair all over the soap...you are an asshole!
- If you call for a pizza, tell the guy to hold, then ask what everybody wants...you are an asshole!
- If you put your makeup on while driving...you are an asshole!
- If you don't turn off your beeper during class...you are an asshole!
- If you blast your horn at the driver in front of you a split second after the light turns green...you are an asshole!
- If you loudly entertain the whole bus with your boom box...you are an asshole!
- If you don't bother to update the links to your own homepage...you are an asshole!
- If you leave something floating in the bowl in a public restroom...you are an asshole!
- If you stay in the movie theater while your baby screeches his head off...you are an asshole!
- If you piss all over the toilet seat in a public restroom and don't have the common courtesy to wipe it off...you are an asshole!
- If you yell at people on t.v. to do something even though you know they can't hear you...you are an asshole!
- If you make a list of what constitutes an asshole...you are an asshole!
- If you wear a team jersey and know nothing about the team or sport...you are an asshole!
- If you hire someone and pay them minimum wage and then work them like a dog, flick them shit and ride their back every minute of every day...you are an asshole!
- If you trick others into drinking diarrhea mixed with milk by telling them it is chocolate milk...you are an asshole!
- If you complain about others that drive just like you...you are an asshole!
- If you pull up to a red light and wait for it to turn green before switching on your blinker...you are an asshole!
- If you put this list on your homepage and remove the copyright not only are you stealing and taking credit for something that is not yours but...you are an asshole!
- If you sign someone's guestbook telling him what an asshole he is, yet you are too chicken shit to reveal your name or e-mail address...you are an asshole!
- If you have a lame homepage that takes forever to download because you have cheesy music and way too many graphics...you are an asshole!
- If you write "U" instead of "you," or "sux" instead of "sucks," or "klik" instead of "click" or "kreative" instead of "creative"...you are an asshole!
- If you fart in bed then pull the covers over your girlfriends head...you are an asshole!!!