Pun Intended
- Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly but when they
lit a fire, the boat sank... proving once and for all
that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
- This guy goes into a restaurant for breakfast. After
looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the
Eggs Benedict." His order comes a while later and
it's served on a big, shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter
"What's with the hubcap?" The waiter sings,
"There's no plate like chrome for the
hollandaise."
- Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's
Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend
dental medication.
- A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and
were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager
came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said,"I can't stand chess
nuts boasting in an open foyer."
- A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar
for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender
knew of his habit and would always have the drink waiting
at precisely 5:03 p.m. One afternoon as the end of the
work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find
he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he
threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set
it on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time,
took one sip of the drink and exclaimed "This isn't
a hazelnut daiquiri!" "No, I'm sorry"
replied the bartender. "It's a hickory
daiquiri,doc."
- A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for
something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting
under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on
his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced the man reading
the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle
knows that readers digest and writers cramp.
- A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of
them goes to a family in Egypt and is named
"Amahl" The other goes to a family in Spain and
they name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells
her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of
Amahl. Her husband responds, "But they are twins-if
you've seen Juan, you've seen Amahl!"
- A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having
these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee;
then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam.
It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?" The
doctor replies: "It's very simple. You're two
tents."
- There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.
He sent inten different puns, in the hope that at least
one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten
did.