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Somebody Left a Glass of Milk Next to the Keyboard. Reaction?

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Optimist
The glass is half full.

Pessimist
The glass is half empty.

Futurist
The milk's in the wrong half of the glass.

Pascal Programmers
Well, what type of milk is it?

C Programmers
No thanks; I drink straight from the jug.

Assembly Programmers
No thanks; I drink straight from the cow.

Basic Programmers
No thanks; I'm still breast feeding.

MIS
I'll drink it if you can give me until next year.

Fuzzy Logic Guys
I may or may not have drunk some part of that milk.

Prolog Programmers
I know I drank it - just don't ask me how.

Non-Procedural Language Programmers
I drank it when nobody was looking.

UI Designers
What's that crap in my glass?

Pentium Users
I drank Glass * .49999999 . . . but don't hold me to that.

Windows Users
Where's my straw?

Mac Users
Where's my pump?

UNIX Users
Nahh . . . too easy.

Multimedia Author
[slurp!]

Shareware Game Author
That glass is free; the next one you have to pay for.

Security Consultant
Where'd the rest of the milk go?

CIA
What makes you think that's milk?

NSA
We know what it really is.

Copy Protection Crazies
Somebody drank half my milk and didn't pay for it!

Free Software Foundation
That milk is the cow's contribution to all mankind!

Schroedinger
That damned cat got into the milk again!

Bill Gates
Not enough market share to be Microsoft Milk.

Apple Computer
You guys really oughta be drinking Perrier.

IBM
Rent the glass from us and we'll fill it with something we know is good for you.

IRS
Thanks for getting your milk withholding correct this year.

National News Media
Hey, we wanted OJ!